Fat and STILL FREE…pardon me!

A couple of years back my dating life was very active. I met a bunch of guys, good and bad. The good ones became life long friends, the bad ones got the curb. Any way I went on a date with this one guy. He took me to a diner in the Bronx a couple of blocks away from the Ihop on 232nd and Broadway (I won’t say the name). Sitting through the date forcing smiles and trying to be polite, half listening to his life story, he asks If I felt a honest connection. I hesitated at first because It’s always awkward to answer this kind of question.

I decided to be candid with him.

“I don’t really feel a connection, I think you are a nice guy but I don’t feel any sparks. Sorry If I wasted your time. Let me take care of the bill”. He smirked and replied to me, “I’m a gentleman, don’t worry about the tab. I got it. If you are ready to go, we can leave.” The ride home was quiet. We pull up, I sincerely thank him again and attempt to get out of the car. He asks me can we talk for a moment, reluctantly I agree.

“You know you should really be lucky that a guy like me wants to date a chick like you. Fat girls don’t get taken out on on dates, especially in the day time. I made the exception for you because you were cute and you have your shit together. Fat girls don’t get married or wifed. Men use fat girls for sex and good credit. I’m one of the few who actually accepts women like you”.

EYES LIKE SAUCERS.. WOWWWWWWW!!!

(Things moving in slow motion, vision becoming red as he continues).

“Yeah, I mean you are cute and all but you are not all that. I’m ready to settle down with one woman. I thought you would be that one. Maybe you should re think your decision. I’ll give you a call in the morning, give you a chance to think it over”.

Finally my mouth caught up to my thoughts…

“You have got to be out of your mother fucking mind. Last week alone I had three dates with three different guys and they all looked, dressed (sniffed) and smelled better than you. Suck my entire ass and do not contact me again. THAT’S MY FINAL ANSWER ASSHOLE”.

Needless to say I never spoke to that jerk again, but his words sunk deep. Is this what all men thought about big girls? I talked to a couple of my closest males friends about this and they assured me that all men did not think this way, but they were honest about something else. “Big girls can be gullible and easy sometimes. They need a lot of validation which makes them easy prey.”

This fucked me up even more.

Fuck their classism!!!

I’m going to do everything society says I CANT or shouldn’t do.

Fat girls shouldn’t wear leggings, mini skirts, fish nets, bright colors. I ran out and brought them in EVERY color.
Fat girls should be embarrassed of their bodies. Guess who happily strolled down a nude beach during the day?
For years I was rebellious and angry. It took me a lot of time and stillness before I realized the word FAT did not and would never completely describe all of me. I was much bigger and better than just FAT.

FAT is a word, it does not determine your worth or your value in life. You determine these things. I’ve always gotten compliments from women and men of all sizes who commend me on how I dress.

“Your mouth is off the hook, you aren’t afraid of anything,” they tell me.

The truth is, I’m not doing anything special. I speak how I feel because If I didn’t I would get walked and trampled over. Of course I am afraid but the passion inside is tremendous, it over takes me. Your clothes, your weight, these things do not elucidate you. I am no different from any other plus size woman. I just chose not to allow what anyone else thinks stop me. I learned to own that self worth comes from Self.

Fat and STILL FREE.. Pardon me.